Beyond the Breaking Point | Justin Brown | The Sean Trace Show

In this episode, I sat down with Justin Brown, founder of Blackout Mobile Stress Studio to peel back the layers on why we are all carrying more than we admit. We jump straight into the raw reality of being a dad-preneur and the heavy mental load of pivoting from a high-stakes business meeting to cleaning up a sick toddler without losing your cool. Justin shares the wild origin story of his mobile rage room concept, which actually started with students forming underground fight clubs during the pandemic just to find a physical outlet for their pent-up energy.

We explore the science of how stress accumulates in the body like a silent toxin, often waiting for a tiny, unrelated trigger to cause a total system failure. It is a refreshing, honest look at why performing vulnerability isn't always the answer and why sometimes you just need a soundproof space to drop a few f-bombs, smash a ceramic mug, and reset your internal compass. This conversation is for anyone who feels like they are managing everyone else’s energy while their own tank is hitting empty.

What is your non-negotiable activity that keeps you from hitting a breaking point when life gets overwhelming?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

With my stress, is I try not to get high off my own supply. But since I have I do have a stress studio, I can actually just use it to kind of uh get it out. But um, you know, still writing songs, um, you know, running, lifting weights, you know, that there's plenty of different avenues to um for for me to to kind of get that out. But I always found that it was uh it was I was just thinking about it as you're you were talking about um how it it accumulates. The thing about it is I I think is the danger about it is it's it's forgetful. You like you forget about, like, for example, like you were saying, like you wanted to curse out somebody when when you're driving. Like by the time you get to the your house, your anger and all that stuff kind of subsides and you forget about it. And it doesn't, it's not till like you know, a buildup of that of of weeks where you all of a sudden you might just explode out of nowhere. You you just don't feel feel well. Um so everyone kind of has that, and it's really important for you to to release it.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Welcome everybody back to the Sean Trey Show. I'm excited to be with you here today, and I have an awesome guest with me today. Would you like to tell people who you are and a little bit about what you do?

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Um my name is Justin Brown, and I am owner of Blackout Mobile Stress Studio, and I've been doing it for about five years now, and it's been wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

What started you down this path? What was it that you said, hey, you know what, people are stressed. I need to be the person who creates a solution for that.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Um well, it started during COVID. Um, as you imagine, everybody was was feeling a little something. And um actually before that, I was a winery musician. So I was touring all you know Sonoma County. Uh I'm in Northern California and just play a winery, singer, songwriter, but uh obviously everything was was down. And um my wife was a uh school resource officer and uh she with the students and she was telling me how the students was actually starting fight clubs because because everything they had all this pent pent up energy and they didn't like because there's no basketball, no after, you know, after school activities or anything like that. And I was just like, these kids, there has to be something. So I looked online and um I saw an ad for a um, you know, not an ad, just somebody was doing a rage room and I realized it wasn't anything like that. Um, and the more people I talked to, the more people kind of got excited. Uh, and then just evolved to to what it is to today.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

That's rad. First of all, it's wild that people were having fight clubs, but I mean, I get it, you know. I one of the best things for me is I go to Muay Thai, you know, two or three times a week with my daughter, and it's this powerful de stress. Like, and that's one of the non-negotiables. Getting into the gym, I I just was like, while you were sharing that, I glanced up and I had my calendar open on my computer, and I I noticed that I had those two workout, you know, sessions planned. It's like um, and just getting into the gym to lift some weights because if you're not, you know, it's really challenging at times to have that that little place of zen where you can stay calm, you know? Yeah. But talk to me, like you founded blackout to help people release pressure without having to talk about it, you know, straight my club answer right there. But where did that idea actually come from? And was there a personal moment that made it more real for you?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Um, it was a personal moment for for me because I was um not only was it um COVID happened with with like one of me as a musician, but I also injured my vocals. So it was kind of like a part of me just was was missing at that point. I'm still kind of dealing with it right now. So um, so you know, it's still kind of there. But I I also uh on a personal level needed to figure out how to overcome this kind of loss that uh, you know, that that that happened. Um and I the more people I talk to, the more, you know, I realize uh more of a at a personal level, like everybody's kind of going through their own thing, and people don't really need to talk about it, you know. Um people some people just can't talk about it. They just need, but they do need to release it in in a certain way. So um I set it up so that way it's sound damp, and usually the places that I go to, like I park it to the side, you can scream, yell, do whatever that you need to, and just just kind of get it out. I mean, I had a um one client that they they went in and I think they played a sh like a Broadway show tune for like 20 minutes. It was the same one over and over. And I was like, you clearly need to to do something to kind of get that out.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Right? When you you know, I I think that that's one of the things too, is like the cultural safety space of releasing is not always there, you know. Uh the number of people that I'd like to yell at in traffic is high. The number of people that I like to yell at in my life, especially my business life, is really high, you know, and yet you can't like if you want to keep the relationships going that you, you know, you want to create, it is tough. And so, you know, it's beautiful that you um that you kind of created that space, and it's also challenging too, because like one of the things I think is that I wanted to shift this conversation slightly in that direction because of, you know, we had this scheduled before, and you and I both rescheduled this conversation because our kids needed us first, you know, and um, you know, yesterday uh as a dad, I was dealing with a little one. I kind of slept most of the night last night because um kind of I'm still looking kind of beat up right now because it's early, and my daughter uh was up moving the fan around, but the night before she was vomiting all night. And you talk about tired, you know. But I want to hear this. You know, what does that moment choosing your family over a calendar say about how you actually think about pressure and priorities, you know? Because for me, it's everything.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

The same, same. Uh when it comes to the family, you know, I I drop everything. Um I used to be, I have to go and and get this money, I need to go and and do this and and focus on on my my businesses and focus on on money. But um, as soon as my my daughter was born, it was just like, all right, now there's a new priority and and it needs to shift uh immediately. So um, and plus it's just one of those things, just like I will always have opportunities to meet people and and make money, but there's she'll only be this age for for this this long. And I have to catch myself every once in a while, like we'll sit down, sit down on my my cell phone, and I'm like, all right, put it down. We limited amount of time, you know. And I I my main goal is always to to uh get as much out of it as I possibly can with her. Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Well, and how does that how does you know your business play into the need that some parents might have, man? You know, that's the other question I was I was thinking, like, because are parents specifically a good group that needs a way to release that you find?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Uh I do. I definitely do. Uh, because you know, you're you we're all human and there's times when you know your kid kind of stresses you out and they do things that you wish they they don't do. So like just having and then you can't take it out on them, uh obviously. So, you know, having a safe space where you could just kind of you know release that, I I do think it's really important. Um, especially, you know, working with a lot of uh corporate uh events and and retreats, just uh, you know, a lot of them coming through and they're like, Thank you, I needed this. My kid was, you know, A, B, or C B, B, and C.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

So yeah, I've been there, man. I have been there. Well, I wanted to ask you this because like running a business for me as a dad means you're you're managing energy at home and work at the same time. You know, like that was someone I had um a comment that I I I posted the other day on LinkedIn. I didn't think it was gonna get this many engagements. Like I posted about being a dad, and I was like, I just took a photo of me looking tore up, and I was like, all right, man, this is where I'm at right now. You know, I gotta go try to dive into business after being here all night. And I posted it because I was like, you know, sometimes showing up is tough, you know, and you gotta do what you gotta do. But it got a huge reaction, and like a bunch of people were like, dude, I've been there. I've been there. I was there last week, I'm there right now. One of the guys, he said, Sean, you don't understand how timely this is right now. I needed to see this because I'm in it right now. And it's interesting because like running a business as a dad means you're managing energy at home and work at the same time. How do you personally apply what you teach um in blackout before your own take hits empty? You know, how do you practice what you preach, man?

SPEAKER_00 9:41

It's hard, I'm not gonna lie. You know, there's times where you know I I definitely fail on that aspect and in, you know, finding the balance. And, you know, with this, I started to get the the gray hairs down over here and some gray hairs because of the stress with stuff, just like everybody else. Um, but but you just have to be really diligent and just be like in this block of time, this is for family, and you know, nothing else, nothing else matters.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Yeah, nothing else matters. That's 100% it, man. You know, and uh great song there too from uh Metallica. Um, but you know, and one of the things too for me is that I notice that the stress builds, it really builds. And if I am not I actually had this cool event, I can't even remember his name, and I try to remember it and uh I always fail. But this guy was an expert on stress and he came to my university uh and he was talking about uh how stress is like one of the most dangerous things. And this guy did all of these these tests on like back wounds, which is kind of horrible, but you know, he did all these tests on on um monkeys to see how stress could affect them as an organism. And one of the interesting things is they also just uh tested like what happens when you start removing that stress, and it was really wild because they found that the organism did some amazing things. And I believe his name was uh something Gempolski, I think it was Gerald Gempolski or something like that. Um but he came to my university, and I remember one day uh raising my hand and in the middle of this giant hole, and all my professors and everyone are looking at me like, put your hand down, kid. You know, this guy was like the world expert on stress, so I had that moment to like ask him questions. And I'm like, well, damn, I'm gonna ask this dude a question because we're here and why not? And so I raised my hand and he called on me and I said, Okay, question for you. Um, you know, first of all, you know, I it was doom and gloom. You hear he's like, stress will cause character, causes heart disease, keep sitting there going, oh geez, you know, we're all gonna die next week, you know, because all of us in this room are stressed out, you know. And what he he was that he said this interesting thing, he said, Well, that's the crazy part, right? When they took the stress away, the ate baboon's body started to heal themselves, and that all of these horrible chronic conditions started to you know get better. And he was like, You just have to find ways to remove the stress. And I was having at that time I was in my my yoga kick and I was like, I raised my hand, I was like, Is yoga the answer? And he I thought he was gonna be like, Yes, yes, it is. Make everyone do yoga. And he he didn't say that he said no, he's like, if you take a 50-year-old trucker from Iowa and you put him in a yoga class, you know, four days a week, it might stress him out. But you take that same guy and you put him into a uh fly fishing situation, and he's suddenly gonna be like stress-free. It's unique, it's different for every person. You have to find out what that thing is for you, but you know, you have to work on lighting it out, you know. And I I want to ask you this because you talk about stress that accumulates rather than exploding, as a father and a founder, where do you feel that quiet buildup showing up most in your own life? And how do you work on releasing it? Such a good question.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Um with my stress is I try not to get high off my own supply. But since I have I do have a stress studio, I can actually just use it to to kind of uh get it out. But um, you know, still writing songs, um, you know, running, lifting weights, you know, that there's plenty of different avenues to um for for me to to kind of get that out. But I always found that it was uh it was I was just thinking about it as you're you were talking about um how it it accumulates. The thing about it is I I think is the danger about it is it's it's forgetful. You like you forget about, like for example, like you were saying, like you wanted to curse out somebody when when you're driving. Like by the time you get to the your house, your anger and all that stuff kind of subsides and you forget about it. And it doesn't, it's not till like you know, a buildup of that of of weeks where you all of a sudden you might just explode out of nowhere. You you just don't feel feel well. Um so everyone kind of has that and it's really important for you to to release it.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

I 100% agree. You know, one of the things too is like uh when we're done here, uh I'll take my daughter to school, and then I'm hitting the gym and I'm doing a push day. And you know, I I one of the things too is like you made a good statement before we came started. Like we both are two phone people. And one of the things that I have to do is make sure that I have real healthy boundaries with my communication. Um, you know, I was sleeping last night and I was halfway awake, halfway asleep, and I wanted to roll over and pick up that phone, but I didn't because I knew, I knew that the second I pick up that phone, uh it's done. It's it, you know, and I I'll read something from work that'll be like, I gotta handle this now. Um one of the and I I won't check my Slack from my clients up until you know eight o'clock rolls around, my time to start work. Then I start checking everything. Then I get those messages underway from all the clients that I have. But before that, nah man, it's it's my time. It's it's you know, family time. And last night, my family and I we went up the street. And it's one of the things too that I found that um I had to do that because when I started my company, I felt like I needed to push, push, push. And then I started noticing things breaking. And the things that were breaking were me. And and like, and I think that most leaders wait until something breaks before they address pressure. What's the cost of that delay?

SPEAKER_00 16:38

And have you ever paid the price yourself? Uh, so so much. I've seen that, you know, with with the the corporate, you know, uh events that that I do, it's you know, we're at the point of it almost feels like a point of crisis, like, you know, they're I'm I'm about to, you know, go under, you know, sometimes because they just didn't have the ability to kind of sit down and and talk. And it's just amazing to see them after after they do it. And when they come out, they're just like as far as for for me, just the what what I do is I kind of my wife helps me out actually with this. We we kind of put everything aside. We talk for um for about 15, 20 minutes and be like, hey, is there anything bothering you? Is there like what you know, any little thing? Um, and we just gotta get it out of, you know, you know, off our chest before, you know, it blows up weeks down the line. And we find that it's really helping, you know, our our relationship. So I I encourage anybody in a relationship, or even you know, if you don't have somebody just like you know, a friend or somebody, just somebody you can kind of lean on to do so, it helps tremendously.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

I 100%.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

And like the other day, we have a um, I don't have a room that I can go scream in, but we have a rooftop that is much higher than all the buildings around. And yesterday, my mother-in-law is a very nice woman. Luckily, my wife and uh other people don't watch this podcast, so I can throw her under the bus right now, she helps us out a lot. Um but sometimes she just fails, and I'll explain why. Her sister, when she was much younger, moved to the US, and it was like for many, many years, they just couldn't go back and forth, it was hard. And now her sister's getting older and she comes back on her holidays, and but she comes back for like a month at a time. My mother-in-law's like, well, I haven't seen my sister in forever. It's a month of like, let's, you know, let's go. But like, one of the things is like she holds an integral part of our family structure. So, like, she was the one who she helps, and she doesn't let anyone else do these things, she doesn't let anyone else cook, she doesn't let anyone else near the kitchen, she doesn't let people, she's true matriarch. She's like, the kitchen is hers. And if you go in there and start mucking her, doing whatever, like I'm gonna do some stuff here, and she's like, No, no, you're not, you know, and so like she's there, but like when her sister comes, suddenly she's gone. And we're just like, hey, where'd she go? And it was like a month, and my wife had a bunch of shows, and my sister-in-law works with my wife, and we all live in one big, big house. And I suddenly was like home alone, running my company with um a sick child, and I had like three times the amount of responsibility I normally have, and you know, and there was no one there to help. And I just was like, I went to the rooftop and I dropped a select number of F-bombs and prize number of uh other expletives that were in a real conversation would accomplish nothing positive. But in this moment, man, I felt better after. Yep. It was wild how like, and I was like, then I didn't have to say that to her. It would have never helped. It would have hurt the relationship horribly to say that stuff. But afterwards, I felt great. And do you find that people share a similar experience to that at times?

SPEAKER_00 20:33

Yeah, it's just you know, it's a way to, you know, uh, you know, say what you need to say or do what you need to do without hurting, you know, the anybody around you. Um, and I think as a society, we we kind of we've kind of shamed it in a way. Like I I don't know if yeah, I'm just I'll just say shame. Um it's just kind of frowned upon that you have these feelings, but you know, you have these feelings for for a reason. And I I think they need to kind of just be explored. And um it ends up you end up finding the real root of of the reason uh sometimes. Like you for example, for you, you knew exactly the reason because you you know everything was was on your shoulders there for for a time period, but sometimes it's just in you, you have to let it out, and then once it's out, you're like, oh, okay, that's why. So uh yeah, it's really important.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

I think so. I think it's really, really, really important because like like you said, like for me, I was able to identify what it was that was causing that stress. I was able to see where exactly that was coming from. Um but one of the things that I've noticed with people that are around me and friends, and like my wife, she carries a lot of stress. And she doesn't always know where it's coming from because it's so cumulative, you know? And she they'll just say, I'm gonna go dump it the stress here. But that might not be where that stress is coming from. You know, it might be coming from some other place. And, you know, you don't even realize that. So you have to find ways to release as you go. Otherwise, it's gonna be really, really, really, really exhausting, you know, because it's just gonna be you're at constant full. You always see the old cartoons, and like there would be a character riding a train engine, and they would give that train engine like uh um a face or something, and they'd pull that little lever, and the steam would release and it would just scream and it look angry, and then afterwards it would look relaxed. I'm always reminded of that, you know. But I wanted to ask you this because you built something that doesn't require people to explain their stress or perform vulnerability, you know? Yeah. Why was that non-negotiable for you when you designed blackout?

SPEAKER_00 23:04

It was non-negotiable just because everybody I didn't want it to have, I didn't want it specific in really any type of way because everybody wants to like everybody has their thing, which is also kind of intuitive because they say like, don't make something for everybody, you know, in in business. Um but uh this this here really helps out like a lot of people the way that I'm doing it. Because like I said, everybody kind of goes and does this personal, uh has their personal issues. Um it was it's funny, actually, like last week I had a uh a client. Um, she had an issue with her her father. Um and one of the items I had was it was random, and it was a mug from the company that he worked at. And she was just like, oh, it was ended up being fate, like she threw it and she screamed and everything, and you know, she she cried. I I usually set up a session like about five minutes. I'll leave the door closed and give him about five minutes to kind of cool down and and kind of reflect on on you know what what's going on. But she was just, you know, she came out, she's like, man, I I really needed that. That that um that really brought brought something out of me. Um, and that's that's another thing I think that's amazing. Like sometimes people go in, they're like, I don't have any anger, I don't have any stress or really in my life right now. And then they'll throw one plate or like smash one thing, and then boom, it kind of comes out of kind of comes out of nowhere. So it's just kind of like a um like a cleansing of your soul in in in a way that you didn't know you had like toxins in.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

And you don't realize where you're holding that anger, but you know, other people will find it if you're not careful. You know, I remember yesterday I was um I'm a huge Star Wars fan. I love Star Wars so much. And you know, Mandalorian Grogu, I'm super looking forward to this because I feel like the Mandalorian kind of saved and and Andor and um was the movie that came out. Uh geez, the the pre-end the movie that Andor was connected to. I'm blanking right now. I don't know how I'm blanking early. Um, but one of the things that like the Star Wars fan base absolutely hates Kathleen Kennedy like with a passion. Yeah. I've seen this out the park episodes. You you know, right? Oh man, it's not episodes. What's funny is because the other day I was scrolling and everyone in the start, the fan base was just so happy. And like everyone's sitting there going, oh, it's this toxic fan base. No, no, it really wasn't. It was just people who were like, you have a like imagine someone who like they're like, we're gonna make a new Lord of the Rings trilogy. Oh, wow, that's ambitious. Okay, cool. And we're gonna have three different directors, and there's no real central vision. Each director is doing their own thing. Like, what? Really? Like, how does that make any sense whatsoever? That thing makes no sense. That's what they did with Star Wars, and she thought that was a good idea, and like through a new trilogy, no problem. Central vision to it? No, we don't need that. That's not toxic. Like, people, that's just people going, dude, have a good story writing, you know. And like uh The Mandalorian it was so good because John Favreau like watched all these old samurai movies and TV shows, and like each one of those episodes was like it was like a throwback to a famous samurai film. And like people didn't realize that like those are some of the best stories, you know. But why I bring this up, right? Uh yes, what was that?

SPEAKER_00 26:44

No, I was just saying that's another cover. I love John Favre. I think he's a uh, you know, when it comes to superheroes, the the different storytelling in that world, he's just the man.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

He's the he's the man, you know. But like last night in the post, it was from one of like the the nerd websites. I think it was like geek tyrant or nerd something. And I I follow them because I am definitely a geek and a huge nerd. And it's okay, you know, but like it was like, and so the title of the article was something like Grogu still won't talk in the Mandalorian and Grogu movie. And I was like, oh okay, okay. And then like they they had this one line confirms Kathleen Kennedy, and then you should have seen the comments. Well, just like it were like, Why you know, all the fans were like, why did you have to mention we've been good? And all this anger flares up. And what cracks me up like by that is like it's such a perfect example for you might be sitting there going, yeah, I worked through that thing the other day. I'm good now, I feel good inside. But all it takes is like one little thing, and like you're like, oh, I did not process that. I'm still way angry. And you didn't realize it until you get there, and then suddenly you're like, Woof, a bit of a storm there. But yeah, why I bring that up is because you know, so many people are holding on to stuff that they don't even realize. You know, do you find that a lot?

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Yeah, uh a lot. Even like the small little petty things that you just, you know, you just put it aside. It just comes out like, you know, my mother-in-law said something like a made a little side comment that you just like normally you just like all right, whatever. She's just being her or whatever the the case is, but you know, your your brain just like, oh no, that's deposited. No, we're we're gonna address that. Maybe not today, but further down the line. Absolutely, yes.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yeah, 100%, man. Which is which is awesome. You know, like because even for me, right, I felt horrible about sharing that mother-in-law story, you know, because it's like, oh, someone's gonna watch, is gonna judge me, someone's gonna throw me under the bus. But it was the real or I'm throwing her under the bus, but the reality is is like we feel shame about sharing our inner emotional state. We feel shame around the idea of needing to talk about things, you know. But the reality is we shouldn't be feeling that shame. We should just be sitting there going, This is normal. It is normal to feel things, it's normal to have emotions, you know. But I think so many people deny that.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Yeah. Especially for like the people that's closest to us and that that's in our world, you know. You know, someone says something about me that I don't like and I don't know them. Like, I'm not even gonna think twice about it. But the reason why like you have these emotions is because you love these people, you care about these people. They're in they're in your world, and you know, and we're we're human. Like we're we're not gonna be like on the same page every like for our whole lives, you know what I mean? So the you these conflicts are important to kind of get through and and make relationships even closer, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

But you have to have ways to release at times, and I that's what I love that you're doing, you know. Um, one of the things that I wanted to ask you too is this, because there's a version of fatherhood that looks like grinding through everything and never showing the way. Like, what do you think that teaches our kids? You know, the other day with my daughter, um I was stressed and I came up and I talked to her and I said, This is why I'm stressed, but you don't have to internalize that. You know, I've got all these things I'm processing, and I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. I love you, but you know, in one moment last week, I my stress from work bubbled over. And I I got upset. And then I told her, I pulled her aside, I said, that had nothing to do with you. That had everything to do with me processing some stuff, you know, and she was really thankful that I said that, you know. But what is it, why do you think what do you think it teaches our kids when we're trying to just grind through the adversity?

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yeah, it's uh that's something I was when when my daughter was born, I kind of had a way in my head of how I was gonna pres present myself. I like my my goal was I wanted to be a representation of what my daughter would want to look for in a partner when she grows. That's just kind of like my game plan of, you know, just like, oh, you know, this person, you know, behaves like like like my my dad. This is the proper way to to do it. And it was always gonna be, I would say I'm I'm more stoic still. Um, but I'm I learned that she needs to understand that this person has still has feelings. And so we sit down, we we we talk more about the feelings and and why we feel this way. Obviously, I say things to like I withhold things to protect her because she doesn't need to worry about, you know, certain certain things, but at least she understands why like I feel the way that that I feel. And I think that's important for for all fathers to to do.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

100% agree because it's really challenging to um, you know, I think it's really challenging to figure out the right way forward as a as a parent. And like there's so much that you have to juggle. You gotta juggle their the way they're processing things, but you have stress. Like, I can't sit there and and poison the water about you know, my mother-in-law, like, oh, I can't believe she does this, because then you know, my daughter internalizes that, and um, you have to find ways to as an adult, because we need to try to be the adults that we are, even though it's extremely challenging at times, you know, but that that's the other statement. Like, I say as an adult, but like what does that even mean, you know, because um, you know, are is it is there a right that still goes into there's a right way and wrong way to handle things, you know? And I I do think there is a time and place for everything, but I also think that you you have to figure out what does processing that stuff looks like for you. One of the other things too is I think as a parent, and this is something we don't talk about enough, is that uh often parents don't have people to process with. And you think you do, but when you get older, your friend group gets smaller, and the person that you you start processing with is that little person right in front of you, and you think that they can handle it, but oftentimes they cannot, you know?

SPEAKER_00 33:40

Yeah, it and it's really in individual because I mean we have very similar things. I'm sure that you know, you can tell me stories or I can tell you stories about her about our kids, but their personalities are so different, which requires, you know, a different way of handling things. Um you know, just uh I we were lucky like when about a month after she was born, she kind of slept through the whole night. The whole night, just not a not even an issue. And then, you know, we were up with other new parents and they were just kind of complaining, like, man, I'm getting no sleep. And we're just like, yeah, that sucks. But like we couldn't really relate. And you know, they had that they have to handle what whatever they're going through differently than than what we have to. But um, it is important to continue talking to like other parents and and other people to um just remind ourselves that we're not alone in this.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

Yeah, so true. And you know, that's one of the questions I wanted to ask because, you know, as a parent, you're a leader, and you know, whether you're leading this and that, or you know, and as a business leader as well, what's the difference between a being a leader who manages their energy on purpose and one who's just in surviving the week? It is, and I'm not judging surviving the week. That was me the last couple of days, and uh yeah, man, it's tricky.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Yeah, um, it's it's hard. It's kind of um it's I I try to remember that they're all just different phases. Um, you know, as you grow, you're in a you're a different phase than, you know, like with with with my daughter, like I understand that you know, when she has a temper tantrum, like I kind of get down to her level. I I make sure I hold her and I I tell her to take three deep breaths and that calms her down and we uh we we discuss it. Like, I mean, I guess I kind of do that to myself whenever I get I get stress on on some um some level, but um yeah, it's it's definitely a little a little different.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

I love that, man. One of the things too is like, you know, if someone is listening today and they want to have some tools for releasing some of that stress they're dealing with, what what tools would you recommend to kind of dive into to help them de-stress or to not have all that build up?

SPEAKER_00 36:09

I've been um fascinated about this one I was listening to a podcast, I can't remember what it was, and they were talking about bees. And with bees, they tend they they use about 10% of their bees, they kind of go out and they they find different flowers for them to to pollinate and and and get just in case this thing fails. And I try to incorporate that with with life. If you have something that you're stressed about and you have your normal thing, um you know, do it. But every once in a while, just do something different, do something kind of crazy, something that you would never do before because you'd never know, you know, what it brings out of you. Um and just also having different experiences just in my opinion, just makes you a better, better person overall. Um I love that. Every single place that I've traveled to, uh, when I came back, I have more of appreciation of life, more appreciation of of of everything after you know, every experience ever after everything new that I learned.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

So I was an extrovert ages ago in college and places, but as I've gotten older, especially after COVID, I got massive social anxiety. And going out to big events where it's crowded, I mean, I mean, it was a pretty traumatic time during the pandemic, like, you know, and you know, we had crazy lockdowns here at in in Vietnam. And one of the things that I found is like I started to limit myself, you know. And this last year, my wife and I traveled a lot more for work, and we went to do some stuff together. And one of the things that was interesting for me was that I forced myself to go and um do try new things, go new places, be new places, and it was not, I will repeat that it was not easy for me. Like the stress, the anxiety that came up from going those new places and trying those new things was was high. But now after doing it, it's interesting because I can go new places now without feeling as much stress. Last year, when we were flying back to on one of these trips, uh we flew back to Atlanta from Vietnam. And when you go to the east coast of the US, the easiest way to go from Asia is to go west, across the Middle East, up and over Europe, and then down the eastern seaboard. And that first trip, I was like, it was like playing a video game. Do you play video games? Like I kind of feel like I'm at the end of a level. Do you play video games?

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Yeah, I haven't played in a in a while, but like I do miss my my PlayStation. But I uh yeah, I still consider myself a gamer.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Right? You see, me too. I I loved gaming before and I don't play as much now, but I still I remember some of those core things, you know, the core experiences were just awesome games. And here's one of the things, right? So as I was flying, I was like, dude, I'm I'm on a new map. I'm on a new map. Like, this is like a new thing. Like, this is up to here. I played up to this point on the map. I'm like, I'm on a new map, I'm on a new level. And as I'm flying west, and I'm flying over India, flying, and I fly land in Qatar, and Qatar was a whole new place. I've never been there, I've never been to the Middle East nation. I'd never been to there are all these things that were different, colors, lights, smells, and waking up, like the sunning rising. And I was like, dude, this whole place is a desert. Like it's all desert. Like I've never been in a place that's all desert, you know? And then I look and we tried out different food, and I didn't know because I have some food allergies. I was like, I don't know what I can eat here, but I figured it out. And now I know there's there's this one awesome noodle, like Asian restaurant in there that has the best, the best uh like veggie ramen that is so amazingly good. And now every time I fly through Qatar, I know that's there. But it took, you know, being vulnerable. I remember like as we were flying from Qatar down to Atlanta and being able to look out the window and see the volcanoes of Iceland, you know, and I'm just like sitting there, like, that's Iceland, those are the volcanoes. Why I bring that up is because we we get into these places of of safety, and that safety can sometimes be the thing that's causing more stress. And sometimes you got to jump out of that box and go, all right, this is where I'm at. Let's let's be let's be where we're at right now, you know?

SPEAKER_00 40:57

It's it's true. I mean, uh, you know, you were talking you were talking, and um it was uh my my wife and I were for a honeymoon, we we went to India, and um I told her, I was like, I I said, I actually said thank you. She said for what? I was like, because I'm I'm same thing, I was more of an extrovert and now more of an introvert, but um, she's the one who usually pushes us to do things that I'm just like, like I have to build myself up to to actually do it. Right. I was like, I sat down, I was like, listen, I everything that you've pushed me to do, there's never been a time where I said I regret that. It's always been a time where I was like, man, that's that was really cool. I'm glad that I, you know, or the absolute worst case, like if she was like, here, wear this shirt that I thought was really ugly, but she made me wear it or whatever. It was just, it was just an experience, like nothing really negative happened in my life, and it just kind of it keeps re-like she reminds me that you know it's gonna be okay. No matter what, just experience it and you'll you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:58

I I'm so with you on that. And I I thank my wife for doing the same things. We have a similar type of relationship, it seems, because I wouldn't, I'd just sit there stuck in my box. Um, I I want to ask you this. If someone listening right now is already running on empty, as a parent, as a leader, or both, what's the one thing you'd tell them to do today?

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Stop and reset. I know it's scary to be like, I got all these like bills that's coming in, and I have to, you know, be the, you know, if we're we're talking about being fathers, like I have to be the man of the house, I have to do this, I have to do that. Like you you need to stop and just kind of analyze. It's it's actually simple more simple than than um than people think, but you have to sit down and just more analyze, take a deep breath, and do the whatever that you need to do to get the stress out so that way you can see the complete picture. Because you moving through fear and through stress and anxiety, like you're you're just gonna end up making the long the wrong decisions, and it's just gonna be uh issue, more of an issue in the long run. So that's that's what I've learned so far.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

We'll we'll see what the future holds. I'm with you on that, man. I sit there and tell my daughter. We we've been working with her on getting contacts, like learning to put the contacts in. And so we got her these uh these hard contacts. It's a special new type of contact that reshapes the eye. I wish I had it, wish I had it when I was a kid. Like it's called ortho K or something, and like so it shapes the eye at night, it's not super comfortable, but then when you wake up, you take the contact out and her vision's 2020 for the full day. Oh and it's wild. I was like, and then it also prevents her vision from getting worse. It's not cheap, but my wife and I budgeted it because we're like, if this saves us money on glasses over a certain number of years, that's a good investment, you know? So I'm sitting there helping her try to get it in, and I'm having the one, the one having to put them in because she's definitely not at that place yet. And as I'm doing it, she's just like her fear reaction's causing this, this, you know, like, and it's really hard to get them in. And I'm sitting there telling her, you got to control your fears, you got to come control your fears, Obi-Wan, you know. And it's like, you know, but meanwhile, she's sitting there, I'm telling her, control your fears. And then I'm sitting there thinking about all the things I'm avoiding in life because I have anxiety and fear. And I'm just like, you know, it's easy to say, but it's hard to do at times, even as an adult. You know, this whole adulting thing is is tough. But like, one last question. If you were to go back and give your younger self some advice, what advice would you give yourself?

SPEAKER_00 44:48

I don't I don't want to piggyback on what you're you're saying, but it is to just to kind of go for it. Um, I remember when I was um in middle school and I tried out for uh choir for for the first time. So, you know, some people were like, oh, you you can sing, you should go for choir and choir. And then I was um, you know, kind of shy, you know, and um I started singing and I was my voice was just so quiet and meek, and a music teacher's like, you need to just let it go, let it out. You gotta do that. And it took me probably about five years before I can get to that place to to do that. And um I I think you just kind of have to like close your eyes and just make do the leap of faith and just whatever happens, happens. And you know, there's no there's not a lot of situations where by doing that you'll have a lot of negative consequences when it comes to like the the little stuff, uh obviously. And the but those little stuffs will equal up and build up to something, something big and and beautiful in your life. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

I love that. If people want to find out more about you and what you do, where can they go and look and research and find out about you?

SPEAKER_00 46:03

Um, you can go to my website, northbay blackout.com. Um you can see um what what I'm all about and we um we we customize everything for you. Um if you're looking to destroy a piano, we could do that. If you're looking to destroy what whatever, we could really set up to your needs and your wants and and how to get you to the level that you need to get to.