More Isn’t Freedom | Rand Selig | The Sean Trace Show

In this episode of The Sean Trace Show, I sit down with Rand Selig, author of Thriving! How to Create a Healthier, Happier, and More Prosperous Life, to talk about what it really means to build a life that feels healthy, meaningful, and grounded. We get into the difference between success and true fulfillment, why money matters but cannot be the whole scoreboard, and how defining “enough” on your own terms can completely change the way you live.

Rand shares powerful lessons on resilience, parenting, forgiveness, letting go, self-awareness, and how to stop carrying emotional weight that no longer serves you. We also talk about getting unstuck, slowing life down, choosing who belongs on your “bus,” and why the relationship you have with yourself may be the most important relationship of your life.

This conversation is a reminder that thriving is not about having a perfect life. It is about knowing yourself, choosing your attitude, protecting your energy, building better relationships, and moving forward with purpose, gratitude, and clarity.

What is one thing you are ready to let go of so you can start thriving?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So slowing things down is a big part of enough. So you're you're uh you're looking inside. You're saying, what is it that makes me tick? I need to understand myself. Um it it's it's about time and nature. It's about relationships I have with other people, it's about the relationship I have with myself, uh, that I do like what who I am. I do like the work I'm doing. I do like the way I'm interacting with others, I do like the way my heart is responding to the world around me and the challenges that uh that that I'm facing and the world is facing. So enough enough can come along. I just invite people to say, just listen to yourself. And more is not the answer, most often.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

All right, welcome everybody back to the Sean Trace Show. I am your host, Sean Trace, and I have an awesome guest with me today. Would you like to tell people who you are and a little bit about what you do?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Oh, thanks, uh, Sean. It's uh great to be here. Um, so my name is Rand Salig. Um I have uh had many walks through life. It's been a fantastic life. I've lived in multiple uh places around the world. Um I um have uh run my own uh financial services investment banking firm for over 40 years. Um very pleased to say that uh we understand service really well, which is a little bit unusual. We're not about sales, we're about uh meeting or exceeding our clients' objectives. And a result of that, uh our firm was named the best sustainable investment banking firm in the San Francisco Bay Area in 2024 by Wealth and Finance International. But that's that's only one of the many hats I wear. Um I am very committed to service. And so as a result of that, I've served on many boards. I've been a scout master, a little league coach. That's awesome. I've raised two amazing children. One's a doctor, one's uh a product designer. I've been married for 45 years. Um, and uh I recently wrote a book called Thriving: How to Create a Healthier, Happier, and More Prosperous Life. And so I'm doing a lot of uh talking, uh engaging with people in all stages of life about the very big possibility of moving forward on the path to thriving.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

I love that. I I I watched the uh TV show Ted Lasso recently, and one of the things that I was blown away by with Ted Lasso was how optimistic he was. And I was just like, I love the show, I love this optimism, and how there's so much that you can accomplish with a positive mindset. And and we're not necessarily pushed there in our daily lives. We're often pulled this way or that. And like one of the things that you you growing up, you know, people go, oh, talking about reality, reality this, reality that. But the reality is always someone else's limitations, you know, what they had to struggle through. And it doesn't always mean that it's what you need to internalize. The other day, someone was giving my daughter a really hard time for a school play, and they didn't think she was enough. I won't say what type of enough, but enough of something. And I what looked at my wife and I said, Well, I want to pull her out of this thing. I don't want her doing it. You know, that was my gut reaction. You know, don't get injured before it even. And then my wife's like, let her go through it. Let her have the experience, let her go through and see how it works for her. Because if we're always trying to protect her from something, she might have a positive experience that you don't even know could exist. But if you're not giving her space to do that, you'll never know.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

No, that's uh that's really good advice uh uh from your wife. Uh people do uh try to stay away from uh big challenges, and uh they hold mistakes in a very awkward way. Um, you know, mistakes are not here to define you, they're to refine you. And challenges make us tougher and better and uh add clarity to what's really important, what's essential in life. Um, you know, as a scoutmaster and also raising my own kids, uh, I saw a lot of parents who thought their job was to uh help their kid avoid the potholes of life. And yeah, in hopefully the right way and as often as needed, I would say your job is not to do that. Instead, it's to make sure they know you're there if they need you, to have your hand out to help them out of the pothole, but have them get out of those uh uh difficult times themselves. Uh call on their own resources and know that you're there. Know that you're there to help them if they really need, but not to solve the problem for them and not to have them avoid the problem. Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

And that's so true because so often, you know, I was trying to talk to my daughter the other day. She was making something. And she's like, Oh, I went upstairs and had grandma make it for me. And I was like, Well, maybe next time have her show you how to do it, you know, because she was learning to use a sewing machine. And I said, Your grandma's really good at this, but ask her to show you how, you know, and she's like, Well, why would I do that? I said, Well, we have this saying, you know, uh, what was it? Catch a fish for a person, feed them for a day, teach a person to fish, feed them for life. And when I kind of show that concept, she was like, Wow. I was like, what do you think that means? And she's like, Well, if you do it yourself, you learn how to do it yourself, then you're gonna have a much more valuable experience long term. And I think that that's something that we have to teach ourselves as well, is to get out there and try stuff. And I wanted to ask you a question too, because I it got me thinking, like a lot of people hear the word thriving and think it sounds nice, but it's vague. You know, what does thriving actually look like in real life in your experience? Because, you know, when I try to explain it to my daughter as a 10-year-old, I was sitting there going, well, how would I explain that? You know?

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Well, there, there, uh, this is something I I I've studied a lot, and I I think I personify it. Uh, there was a period of time where I thought, if I can't be the poster child uh for this thing, uh, then I'm gonna be just being a talking head, and that's not okay. Um, that there's a way uh thriving shows up. You can see a person in a very quick period of time, see whether they're thriving. That doesn't mean everything is going perfectly well, but that their uh their countenance, their face, their their body, there's a lot of things going on. They exude energy, they they have vitality, and this is regardless of age. So if you see somebody well into their 80s or older and they have vitality, uh that that's a great sign. They're full of positivity. You talked about that a minute ago, Sean. Uh they're grateful. Um, that comes out quickly. Um, and and they're open to new experience. They're curious. Uh these are uh and and what does that do? That allows them to be resilient. Um uh being curious is a huge thing, being a lifelong hermit. So these things become very evident with somebody who's thriving. Uh, I talk about thriving in four different uh components. Um, the first is thriving personally, and that's such an important foundational element that's half my book. From and and includes things like having purpose and uh being uh you know, having character, uh managing yourself well, managing your money well, um, having spirituality, which I define as being uh in awe and humble. It's not the religious part of the uh the story. Um so the group of those uh things that are really, really uh exciting and and and uh grounding to thrive personally. And from there you thrive with others. And then from there, uh uh let me just go back. The most important relationship you'll ever have with in your life is the one with yourself. So from there you can build relationships with others. The third part of thriving uh is thriving on the world. Who are you? What are you doing? Are you taking care of Mother Nature? Are you being of service in some way or another? So many different opportunities to do that. And then fourth, thriving by moving ever forward in life. This means that you're continuing to evolve and become a better person, that you're aware of the wisdom that you're gaining. I mean, I've met people in there, you know, uh in high school who have wisdom already. Uh it's not something you have to accumulate because you're, you know, an old character, not at all. So uh commitment to continue to um be the better person is part of this moving forward in life. So those are the four dimensions, and that's how it shows up.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

I love that because it gives people something practical that you can look at. You know, it's not just feeling happy, uh it is about these areas where you are creating depth. I I think about that like if I want to be fit, like go to the gym, right? Well, I need to have good cardio. Cardio needs to be something I'm doing. I probably also need to be lifting weights some, and I probably also need to be stretching, but I also probably need to be calming my mind in some way as well. Like there's these different facets of what you need to be doing, like it's not one area, and then okay, you're done. You're really big and strong, but then you know, you can't move around because everything's achy. And it to me, it seems like you got to have that balance between everything too. But you know, I also was reading your stuff and you talk about defining success on your own terms. How does someone know what enough really is? Because for me, I used to want millions and billions and more, and then suddenly I realized I want time with my family, I want that freedom to be able to walk away from bad clients, like in my business. I want that freedom to say, I don't want to work with you anymore because I don't respect you and I don't like you. You don't stand for what I stand for. But that's part of my enough, you know, and what is it is different for each person. I don't need billions to do that. I need this much. And I know exactly how much that is. And more than that, it's fun, but it doesn't really help, you know. But how do people define that?

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Well, you uh what you've just said about this, uh Sean, is spot on. It's an internal yardstick, it's an internal mechanism. It's not about comparing yourself to someone else. It's not looking at uh somebody driving down the street going, oh wow, I wish I had that car. The car you have, you like. It's working perfectly fine. You don't need something different. So this more, more, more is part of a uh a cultural uh virus, uh, along with uh the defining success as being primarily a financial thing, these are these are not helpful and they're not accurate. They're not accurate calibrations of who we are, what leads to uh us feeling uh that we do have enough. Um, you know, when you slow things down, we know this when we were eating, we've probably all read this, that if you want to stop eating when you're 80% full, well, if you're eating really fast, well, you you you can't get you you blow past 80% very quickly, and now you're at 100, 110% of fullness. Uh, that's not a good thing. So slowing things down is a big part of enough. Uh so you're you're uh you're looking inside, you're saying, what is it that makes me tick? I need to understand myself. Um it's it's about time and nature. It's about relationships I have with other people, it's about the relationship I have with myself, um, that that I do like what who I am, I do like the work I'm doing, I do like the way I'm interacting with others, I do like the way my heart is responding to the world around me and the challenges that uh that that I'm facing and the world is facing. So enough enough can come along. I just invite people to say, just listen to yourself. And more is not the answer, most often.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

I I I have a financial podcast, Growing Language, Chandrace, and I found you through all of your positivity stuff. But I I love would love to have you talk on that podcast sometime as well on the topic of enough. But uh for right now, that's super awesome to me. But one thing that I find so interesting is whenever I talk to you financial experts, they will tell me there's almost no one at the end of their life who looks back and says, I wish I had more. I wish I had more. Instead, it's people that look back and go, I wish I had taken that holiday. I wish I had spent time with my grandson, I wish I had done this. And, you know, I think that the that is such a like mindset shift for so many people because we are driven toward accumulation. But like, I wanted to ask you something here because what's one habit or mindset that keeps people stuck, keeps people stuck in the grind, even when they're working hard and doing all the right things.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Well, uh again, there are each of us is different, and that's the absolute beauty of this world that we're living in. Every plant's a little different, every bug is different, each of us humans is different. And so you have to kind of say, who am I in that recipe? Uh and uh getting stuck is uh a very common thing. So if you're if you uh are stuck now or you've been stuck, you you you know that this is uh something that uh is uh something that is a very common thing. But there are a lot of reasons why people get stuck. And uh let me take a minute or two and and talk about those kinds of things. Um uh I I think there are um uh a lot of voices people have in their heads. And it could be uh voices from mom or dad, from an old teacher, it could be uh a boss. Uh and and they may have said this with really great intention, maybe with love, saying, hey, you're not good at that, you shouldn't do that, and um uh avoid those things. Uh that that may not represent who you are today, and it may not represent the person you want to be. So that's one thing to pay attention to. Are there voices in your head that are limiting you? Uh there's also uh language, pay attention over the next few days or uh weeks. What words are you using? Are they words like I should? Or are they things like I could? Are you waking up and saying, oh, I have to? Or are you saying, hey, this is an opportunity. I get to. I feel grateful for that. Are you saying I'm busy with a frown on your face, maybe? Or are you saying, hey, wait a minute, I chose these things. I'm delightfully scheduled. Words matter, they propel us forward in very, very important ways. Um there's um a whole possibility of unleashing, unleashing ourselves. There are a lot of constraints that are fake constraints, they're not accurately the limitations, the boundaries of our lives, but we've accepted them as in that way. And sometimes they come out of fear. There, you know, there's fear of success, there's fear of failure, uh, and certainly there's uh fear of others' opinions. So to be strong, to to be vital in life, you have to say, here's who I am. And yes, everything's not gonna work out perfectly, and yes, I am gonna make some mistakes, uh, but I'm gonna go with me. Um so um one of the things that I've seen happen a lot is people get stuck because uh they lose momentum way too early in a in a process uh because um they're focused too much on how. How the how is can be very complicated, many, many, many steps. Instead, if they focus and are clear about what and why, yeah, that gives them so much power. And then they know the why. So I I know this wow firsthand from writing my book. I know why I wrote it. And there's a lot of challenges, there's a lot of work to be done. You know, my publisher said, hey, Rand, when you write your book, you've had it edited, and now you're out there and you've got it published there. You can see it on uh any number of the different platforms. Congratulations. You're a third of the way done. The two-thirds is getting the word out. Well, this was uh this was a this can be a very daunting task. But instead, I came back to knowing my why I wrote it, who it was for, and it gives me so much energy. I'm happy to talk to the great Sean Trace. You betcha. So these are uh these are uh things that are very uh again, each was different, but different components to getting stuck, and there are answers in there about getting unstuck too.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

I love that because there's a couple of things that are often out there when I think about that. The first thing that I'm thinking that is really evident to me is that we have the power to get unstuck. You know, we have the power to make a change, but like you said, the how can be very elusive. Uh the how can be hard to figure out because if you're focused on how, um, you might be running yourself in circles because there's a lot of the how that's not always evident until you get to, like say you want to get to point Z. Well, if you're on point A, um, you know, you might not know how to get to point Z, but A, you might have the clarity to get to point B. And once you get to point B, you might have the clarity to get to point C. And then the life might throw you a circle and you might go to point L, you know, and yet you still can keep making choices and making movements on this path forward if you can start looking at what's that next thing that you're doing, you know. And I want to ask you this because you've you've had success in business and life, but what did you believe early on that utilized was completely wrong? And how did you fix that?

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Well, I'm uh I'm a mathematician. One of my degrees is in mathematics, and I think early on, as a as a young kid, uh maybe before even high school, I thought uh life was like a mathematical equation. You know, two times six is 12. And um uh what what that belied was the complexity of life, the complexity of people that uh a lot of people want to do good things and you know think that they're uh capable of doing things and it and and and uh things get way past them. You know, bosses can often be that way. So as I began understanding more about the world around me uh and uh realizing that there are all different kinds of people out there, I realized that um people uh uh uh sometimes do their best, sometimes they don't, sometimes they're awfully good-hearted people, and sometimes there are some people who are mean, maybe again for a reason in their background or uh something that's propelling them in ways psychologically they may or may not understand. Uh, but I began to uh to um be a little bit more uh empathetic and compassionate about people who uh I think were disrupting uh positive flow and recognizing more and more that life is complicated. Life is not a simple two times six equals twelve.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Right. I wish life was linear and that it was just like you go and it was a straight line, but anyone can tell you it's not, you know, and one of the things too that I think is this relationship that people um have a really hard time understanding uh the interplay between these two things is between money and happiness. And I think that you know, people have a really hard time seeing how those two things intersect, you know. Um you know, and you know, I grew up hearing money can't buy you happiness and things like that, but you know what? I've been broke. It is really hard to be happy when you can't pay for bills, when you can't pay for things, when stuff is hard. Piling up. But, you know, how do money and happiness actually connect? And where do people get that relationship wrong?

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much, Sean, for uh bringing that into our conversation. To me, it's one of the biggest challenges we're facing here in the United States, but increasingly around the world. Uh, this issue of uh well, what role does money play and how does it intersect with a lot of things, uh, but certainly happiness. Let me answer it this way. Let me start with what is happiness, because that's part of the question here, uh, and a lot of confusion about it. Uh, there'd been a fair amount of research around happiness, lots of books written about it, certainly a lot of beautiful music, too. 50% of our happiness starts with our set point. When we're very little, you can see whether a person's happy. My son woke up, he was uh, you know, a year or two old and he would be singing. Very different than my daughter. 10%, but only 10% is about the circumstances. Yeah, you got a promotion. Yeah, you got a new car, you got something, 10%. And that's great for about 90 days. And then that corner office, the new bonus, all of it kind of just goes away. You go back to your set point. Whether that lowered your set point or raised your set point, 10% circumstances, well, that still leaves 40%. 40% of your happiness is about intentional activity. These are choices we make, choices we make. So are you choosing to do things that are making you happy? Are you being intentional? Are you being grateful? Uh so there are a group of things that really matter to this. And uh now I'm gonna begin tying it into the money thing. One of the things that makes people happy is relationships with others. Well, does it take some money to have a relationship with others? Well, yeah, yeah, it does. I mean, if they're not close by, you might need to, you know, uh drive to them. You might need to jump on a plane, you certainly need to maybe get on the phone with them, you need to have a phone. Um uh, you know, some people say making others happy is a big part of their happiness. Well, what does that mean? It means certainly you need time. You need to say, hey, I'm making this a certain priority. So if I'm focused on my build and making other people happy and my relationship with them, then I'm not gonna be doing something else. Maybe I'm not gonna be working, you know, the extra job or something else. Uh another is people say lots of experiences, it makes them happy. Well, uh again, there's probably some some financial fuel associated with that. Maybe that's traveling, maybe it's uh going to something you've never done before, or just gooing it again, but it's more more of something that you enjoy. Health is another thing. If you're not healthy, you're struggling physically, then uh that can very much be in the way of uh your happiness. So it takes it takes time, it takes money. You know, whether you go to the gym, whether you see a doctor, uh you buy some supplements that hopefully are good supplements for you, these kinds of things are related to money. But studies have also shown that once you reach a certain level, and the the the level is not, frankly, surprisingly that high. It's maybe like $75,000 a year. Now, some of your listeners would say, well, that's a lot of money. Well, okay, I don't want to dismiss that that that's the case. But it's not $200,000. It's not a million dollars. It's not that kind of thing. So once you reach that level of income, it doesn't change your happiness. And in fact, I've seen the reverse that people have a lot of money. They're actually, it's almost negatively correlated with their happiness because they're now going to try to apply themselves or buy that bigger yacht or do something crazy. Um I think the reality is this is the truth that I've seen for a lot of years. Certainly I've seen it with, you know, I've met a lot of wealthy people. I've helped them uh sell their company and added to their uh the chips on the table for them. Too much concentration on material things uh does not expand their happiness. Money, money has a place. You're absolutely right, Sean. We we want to have a level of money, but after that, it's all these other choices that we're making that can be so critical to the enoughness, to the sense of happiness, the relationships, the the way we're walking through life.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

I love that. One of the things, too, that it got me is that thinking about too, because we're talking about this, but people can get overwhelmed. And the simple reality of, you know, we're talking about this, change your life and all that. But someone's like, I today I had a really tough day. I need extra help with my company. I need another executive assistant, I need someone who can help me with communication, I need someone who can help me with sales, I need someone who can help me drive the needle forward for a client, acquiring more clients. Because I have a lot of stress with some of the clients I have and love them to pieces, they are who they are, but I want more diversity so that when there is someone who's just not a fit, I can step back. Now, why am I bringing that up? When you feel overwhelmed with life, work, family, finances, it's hard to even think about where to start. Then I want to ask you that because you know, for me, it was I I sat down and I did a little karaoke with my wife. And that was something that actually helped us both out. And then I came on and I said, I'm gonna do an interview tonight. I've got an interview to do, and I do the interview. And this this is exactly what I need to hear. And it's like almost like the magic of that. But for for someone who feels overwhelmed with life, family, work, finances, where should they even start to turn things around? Because it's so hard to know where to begin.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

You're you're absolutely right. Uh, and again, each of us just get different. So, where to begin uh is could be a little bit different. The entry point onto this road or off the road of the overwhelm uh can be a little bit different. But I I think my starting point uh is to to talk about essentialism. It's actually the name of a book. It's a great book. In my book, uh at the in the appendix, I have 75 books, a paragraph about 75 books that I've read that really impacted me. And one of those is a book called Essentialism. And the subtitle tells you a lot: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. So overwhelmed sometimes. We're trying to do too much and we don't know what's important. You know you're thinking about filling a jar with rocks. If you have little rocks and then a couple of bigger rocks, if you if you fill the uh the jar, start filling the jar with all the little rocks, and then you put the big rock in at the top, you may not be able to close the the jar. If instead you put the big rock in, the stuff that's really the important stuff in first, and then you put in the little rocks, because they can fit all around it, then uh you can close the the jar. So the essentialism is is number one for me. Number two, quickly followed is slow things down. Oh my gosh, how do you do that? Well, go out in nature, take some deep breaths. Maybe if you have a practice, a meditation or a yoga practice, do that mindfulness stuff. This whole group of things of self-care, each of us has a different thing. I actually had to write it down a couple of years ago. I said, I said, I'm talking about self-care, but what does self-care look like for me? It's gonna be different for me than it is for Sean for all the normal reasons you'd expect. So I made a list and I have it on my desk. And sometimes I go, you know, I'm not feeling like I'm the normal terrific guy. And I go down the list, you know why? There it is. It's jumping off the page. I haven't been taking care of myself in this particular way. I didn't sleep well last night, maybe something like that. Um, have the ability since I've run my own firm and I've worked with a lot of entrepreneurs over 40 years now, just saying no. Wow, how powerful is that? Saying no to a new opportunity, saying no to a bad client, saying no to my my wife, my terrific wife, saying, I'm not ready for that now. I I don't have the energy to do that. Can we talk about it tomorrow? This this is very powerful, having sport support. You mentioned your your wife. And the way I like to talk about this, and it really ties very closely to driving, is I ask people who's driving your bus? Yeah. Are you driving through fog? A lot of people are. Are you driving on autopilot? Or are you actually driving your bus? If you're driving your bus, you're deciding how fast to go. Boom, boom. Uh, that can really uh address the overwhelm question. You can decide when to stop, full-on stop. And that means, hey, I'm taking the afternoon off. It's three o'clock, and I'm leaving the office. Uh uh, I'm not working this weekend. I recommend people take one day off a week. I don't care what you're up to, take a day off. Give yourself that that break. You're deciding if you're driving your bus, you're deciding when to turn right or when to turn left. Well, life is full of transitions. Of course, we got to make changes. You're deciding who to invite onto your bus. Wow, what a rich territory that is. So many people I know, I think this is very common, have friends about their own age, plus or minus five years. And that's of course understandable. Similar music, similar, you know, experience with uh with the world that they grew up in or experienced. Uh, that's fine. But having people of different ages, maybe somebody who's, you know, 10 or 20 years older, somebody who's half your age. Wow, that's a really big deal. And then finally, if you're driving your own bus, you're deciding who to invite off your bus. And that needs to happen from time to time. Sometimes they're very close. Maybe they've been friends for a long time, maybe they're a family member.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

I love that. I think one of the most powerful things you can do is know who to keep around and who not to. Now, which but you also mentioned letting go of forgiveness. How does holding on to things actually cost people in their life and even financially?

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Yeah, it's uh it's another, it's another one of your fabulous questions here, Sean. Uh well, so let me just put a little perspective on this. I I think that there are three uh things that um that we need to do to be emotionally healthy. One is to stop self-sabotaging. That goes on so much. Uh, doesn't pay anything. Even if I say if even if it's only one in a hundred chance that you something good will come out, do it. Do it. Somebody invited you to coffee. Don't just say, oh, they're just trying to be nice. You know, go for it. Uh a second thing that uh people do uh that's uh can lead to a lot more emotional health is forgiving. Everybody's made mistakes, and a lot of people are still upset with themselves about something they did a long time ago. And I say, you gotta look at that. You gotta be honest. You did this, it wasn't the boss. It it, you know, you you were in the game, and you may not have been the only person on the on the stage, but you were there. Take responsibility, own it, learn from that. And similarly for other people, uh, who hasn't run around uh and said uh something happened and I deserved an apology that I didn't get? Okay, so I say, okay, it's years later, and you're carrying around this heavy rock in your backpack. You want to get rid of that rock? You want to start thriving a little bit more and you walk uphill a little faster? Throw out that rock. Well, how do you do that? Well, I say, write it down. The neuroscience around this is very clear. Write it down. Not with your technology with a pen and paper, and you say, What happened? How did you feel? This is different than how they made you feel. This is you accepted those feelings and you keep holding those feelings. Take a breath and say, I deserved an apology and I didn't get it. And then stand up, maybe take a walk, come back and say, and I forgive you now. That rock is thrown down away from you, and you could even if you want, kick it. But you're you're, you know, so the the forgiveness uh part of this becomes very good. And that leads me now to your question, uh, which is letting go. Uh uh, you know, I've had an amazing life. I've had a great career. Um, I have a lot of friends, I have a fantastic wife and kids. Uh but they they convinced me. My wife and kids convinced me, Dad, you don't control as much as you think you do. Right. Right. I said, oh geez, this is this is I gotta pay attention to this one. So I began looking at it. I realized I only control four things. Only four things. I mean, wow. Okay, one, I control my attitude. Yep. Two, I control the amount of effort I'm willing to put into something. Yep. Third, I control my behavior. Well, usually. And then fourth, I control the actions I choose to take. After those four, it's not about control, it's about influence. And depending on how I handle myself, the words I use, the care and attention, whether I listen, whether I'm asking questions, I can increase my influence or I can decrease my influence. So the letting go becomes a very powerful thing. And I have a little exercise I'd love to do with you, Sean. I hold up my fist. You can hold up your fist with you. And you're holding on to something and you can't let go. You say, I want to let go of that. You see, you're holding it so hard, your knuckles are lighter than the rest of your hand. Take a look. Yeah. Okay, then flip your hand over. Same thing. You're holding on. You say, I want to let go. And your knuckles are lighter. And then you and then you say, you know, I'm going to let go. And I joke, maybe you read Rand's book. You open your hands, you wiggle your fingers, you wiggle your thumb, and magically your hand rises because it's lighter. You've let go of something that was heavy. I used to have to do that a lot. And it always helped me. It always put a smile on my face. Now I don't have to do it very often. I think I'm a little more honest. I'm a little bit more of what I really do control. And um it's a great little exercise, a very physical thing. And so, you know, if that's a little tool that people can use, uh, my gift.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

I love that. I love the dichotomy of control, the stoic idea of control what you can't and let go of the rest. But you know, I want to ask you one more question because if someone listening tonight wants to build a healthier, happier, and more prosperous life, what's the first uh small step they should take today? What can they do today to make that happen?

SPEAKER_01 38:18

Well, um I think the the the the bedrock of all this is taking stock of yourself. You gotta know who you are. And you know, it sounds obvious, sure. But a lot of people really don't really know. They haven't spent the time doing that. And again, I think writing it down really helps putting all the pieces together. You don't do it in one little session, you come back to a time, time again, it becomes a little project. Um, getting to know yourself, uh, what does that include? It includes what you're good at, what your strengths are, what what you're not good at, what what you avoid, um, you know, what what you like and what you don't like, your dislikes. Where are you shine? What kind of environment? Do you like being alone? Do you like working with groups? Uh you know, what are your values? What are your core values? And again, people say, well, I, you know, everybody has the same values or whatever. They're obvious, you know. Everybody, no, take a look. In my book, I I I write about that. There's a list of them. And some are the big classic ones, but there's some other ones. And again, personal, personal to you. What do you really value? Well, get to know yourself. Uh, this the there's nothing more important in getting on this path to thriving than starting with that as a as a base. Um then uh, you know, what I've realized in my own life, and I've seen it with a lot of other people, that um when I cultivate uh a positive attitude, that's a choice. These are choices. Uh I I uh uh summons up my grit. Uh I I look at what I'm grateful for. And yes, there's a lot of things to be grateful, even if a lot of bad stuff's going on. Here's an example: you just get off the phone from a phone call from the doctor. The doctor's just told you the bad news from the lab result. You're crestfalling. Oh, holy moly, what am I gonna do next? But could you look for some gratitude? Could it have been a worse piece of news? Yeah, could you now afford the treatment? Uh do you have support? Do you trust your doctor? These are all elements to helping you have gratitude at a very tough time. And of course, when things are going going well, you all have gratitude. So when I do all those things, I build resilience and I and I build a continue to build my thriving path when I encounter the great life and the challenges. I love that. Well, where can people go to find out more about you and what you do? Thank you, Sean. Yeah, uh I would say uh go to uh my book website, which is RandSelig, R-A-N-D-S-Sam, E-L-I-G dot com. Lots of information about the book, information about me, testimonials. Uh, there's a free page of my favorite quotes from the book, a lot of quotes in the book. People say they love them because they really amplify a point. Some are very funny. Um, there's these uh in the appendix, uh, these books that I recommend that people read. So there's a lot of material there. There's a connect with me page if you want to invite me to your book group or your company event, or or just want to engage, say, hey Rand, I read this chapter and I didn't understand why you said this, or I disagree with that. You know, there's that's all available there on the book website. I'm on LinkedIn, that's my primary social media uh thing. And um, you know, my book is available everywhere. It's in audio. I uh did the audio recording, uh, me narrating the book uh last year. So uh if you if you're an audio reader, the book is available in that format as well.