TSTS - Calm Is A Weapon

Calm is not weakness. Calm is a weapon.

In this episode of The Sean Trace Show, I’m talking about why the person who stays calm the longest usually wins. Not because they are stronger, smarter, or tougher, but because they can still think clearly while everyone else is reacting emotionally.

I share a few real stories from my own life, including a failed “Goggins-style” video shoot, a contract situation that almost made me go scorched earth, the chaos of being a new dad, late-night podcasting, Muay Thai with my daughter, and the uncomfortable lessons that come from training under pressure.

This episode is about learning how to pause before reacting, separate emotions from decisions, stop confusing motion with progress, practice discomfort, and build pressure tolerance before life forces you to.

Because calm is not the absence of chaos. Calm is the ability to stay steady inside of it.

What situation in your life is teaching you to stay calm right now?

#TheSeanTraceShow #CalmIsAWeapon #Mindset #SelfDiscipline #MentalStrength #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalControl #PressureCreatesStrength

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up, you beautiful people? Uh, I'm back here with you guys for another episode of the Sean Trace Show, where we are talking to you about some fun topics that I think are popping up in my life. This one is calm is a weapon. Now, I'm gonna tell you a story about the person who stays calm the longest usually wins. And I'm gonna explain what I mean by that. But first of all, I'm reshooting this video because the first time I shot it, I failed. I didn't just fail. I failed horribly. I was thinking, like, dude, I am gonna shoot this goggon style. I was motivated. I got up, I went to shoot the video, I shot it at the gym, I outlined it. I was like, all right, different sections at different places. I did the running on the treadmill. Running on the treadmill was actually the only part that was good. The rest of it was horrible. So on the rowing machine, I was punching. Now, the thing I realized is when you hit a punching bag, you're hitting the punching bag and you're trying to talk at the same time. I didn't know when to talk and when to punch. I was trying to like, and this is this, and then we'll tell you this point. And I just was like, it's probably the most cringe thing I've ever filmed. My editors and I watched it and said, We are not posting this, it is horrible. But the whole video is about the person who stays calm the longest wins. Now, why is that? Not because they're stronger or smarter, but because they can think clearly while everyone else is reacting emotionally. Now, just like me, I was trying to think clearly while I was doing that video, and it did not work out. I was like losing my mind the whole time because the tripod wasn't working. I had things propped wrong, and the camera was aimed at the wrong way. And I just was like, man, I'm gonna give up. And I went again. Now, I want to talk to you about why being calm is like a superpower and a weapon. And uh, it starts off with a problem that reacting instead of responding is a problem that a lot of people have. They'll get into a situation, and the situation will be I don't know what it is, but they're going over their head. And could be, oh man, I remember one of the times when I was like, you know, a new dad. People, those of you who are new dads, I I I love you guys. My heart is with you. It's not easy. The thing that was the hardest for me was the poop, the massive amount of poop, the poop that went everywhere. Big challenge. It's hard to know what to do. You have this little tiny angelic creature that just has these massive poops. Not easy. No, what's the problem there? Like, most people react immediately to something bad. I saw the poop and I was just like, oh god, it stinks, it's horrible. But you react to it instead of planning for it. You know, finally, I was like, I got to the point where I was like, I need to plan for this. So I got some like face masks, bandanas. I was prepped. I knew what was gonna come instead of just reacting and be like, oh god, every time. Most people react immediately to bad news, to criticism, conflict, or stress. They fire off the text, send the email, make the decision, and only later realize they should have slowed down. And this is me too, man. I have been there. I have a bit of a temper. Those of you who see me on the podcast, I had one guy come on the podcast. He's like, Sean, you're always so calm. And I was like, Yeah, that's not always me. I get worked up a lot. Today I had someone try to get my wife into a bad contract. I was pissed. I was so livid. I said, You need to add me to this group. I need to get in there and I need to do my thing. And she's like, No, I know you. I know that you're gonna blow up and you're gonna kind of burn some bridges. And I was like, Me, I never do that. Yeah, it's a problem. So I have a couple rules that I have to live by when I want to kind of burn down those bridges. First of all, my first solution is this you got to create space before action. Um, some of the steps that I do to do this, number one step is to pause before responding. When that team sent us that contract today, and I was about ready to go, all like scorched earth. Um, my wife was like, No, we need to slow down and we need to pause. We got to think about this before we do anything. I was not so happy with that, but I've learned, you know, I got to slow down. The second step, step two, is you got to ask yourself, what actually happened versus what I'm imagining? What actually happened is the team was a little bit deceptive and they sent over a contract that was misleading. And then they had dragged her along for a couple months with this, this, this Karen in front of her, and then they did switch a root and they slipped this other contract in that was extremely predatory. Not happy about that, not cool at all. But the thing is, is that we're still in a place that she could negotiate. I don't want her to. I don't think that the company is trustworthy enough, but you know, that's neither here nor there. You got to figure out if it's right or not. And what's going on up here is not always the reality. And step three is to give yourself time whenever possible before making important decisions. So my wife was actually smart with this. She slowed down, she pushed things back and she says, I don't have to make a choice today. And that is wise because I would have gone scorched earth, would have cut everything off right at the get-go. That's not always the best bet. And it leads to the second problem. And this problem's connected to the first problem. And the second problem is, and and the second problem is this letting your emotions make decisions. Now, what can we do about that? Well, there's a couple things there. Uh, often we let fear and anger, frustration, and anxiety dictate what we're gonna do. Now, these are powerful emotions, but they're terrible leaders. They put us in a space that is not good. And many of our worst decisions happen when emotions take control, you know, and I have seen this a lot, you know, and you have to let your principles lead. You need to lead from the traits, the principles that are the governing factors for your whole plan. Plan that you have for your life, plan you have for your content, plan you have for your family, whatever that might be. Now, there are some steps that you can do to kind of let your principles lead. The first step is going to be breaking it down and identify what you're feeling. I wanted to punch some people in the face, would have made me feel very happy. I would have loved to take this hand and smack quite a few people. Not the best idea. But I'm not here to judge my emotions. I'm not here to judge what I was feeling. What I needed to do was simply to validate those emotions and understand that that's where I'm at. Now, the second step is to then separate the emotions from the decision. You can want to smack someone and also still make a decision that's not based upon that emotion. Not always easy, but you have to first of all identify the emotion before you can separate it out. Now, step three, ask what decision would I make if I were calm right now? Uh, this is a hard one, but you have to ask it and you have to figure that out. If I was calm right now, I probably would tell my wife to give some time to think about this. I probably would tell my wife to speak with her attorney and get a very clear perspective from the attorney whether this is a good contract or not. It's not going to be Sean wanting to smack someone in the face. That is an emotional decision, and that's not the best place to begin. Now, there are other problems that come up as well, like the problem number three, confusing motion with progress. Now, this is something that comes up a lot. Like when people feel overwhelmed, like I did today, and I was maximum stress, they often become busy. I was trying to lean in and work my way out of the problem. You answer emails, you attend meetings, you jump between tasks, but you're not actually making progress. You can feel busy and not be moving forward with whatever it is that you're working on. So we have to think of some solutions for that. One of the things that I really love is to focus on what matters. When you have a problem, when you are working through something, you have to go through these different steps. The first step that I love is to identify the most important problem. What is it that I need to be working on right now? Tomorrow, I need to get some account set up for my financial planner. She's been waiting with me, but I've been waiting for some different money to get moved between accounts. But tomorrow, that's my priority. I need to identify the most important problem. I need to figure out of the stuff that she needs me to do, what happens first. Once I get that done, I can go to the next one. Now, the second step is to ignore distractions for a set period. Now, while I'm working on that, I have to tune out all of the other stuff that is getting in my way. It is not always easy, but it is something that is important and necessary. Finally, step three is to complete one meaningful task before moving to the next one. Now, if you try to do everything at the same time, you are going to get overloaded. So break it down into pieces because otherwise it's really, really tough. Now, I'm going to tell you a secret. Uh, we're going to move on to problem number four. And at this point in the original video, I was doing a kettlebell swing. So I'm going to throw some kettlebell swings right here. This is me doing some kettlebell swings. Now that we're back from the kettlebell swings, we're going to move on to problem number four, and that is avoiding discomfort. All right. Discomfort gets a bad rap. Everyone wants to be comfortable. We want the most comfortable blanket. We want the most comfortable mattress. We want the most comfortable pillow. You know what is a really interesting thing? Discomfort actually makes you even stronger. Many people spend their lives avoiding difficult conversations, hard work, rejection, and uncertainty. The more discomfort you avoid, the more fragile you become. So, what's the solution? Practice doing hard things. For my family, it's martial arts. We love martial arts. We get in there, and my daughter and I practice Muay Thai two to three days a week without question. We get in there and we do it. I go to the gym. That's not easy. I hate doing it, but I feel better when I do. But I still avoid other things. But that's where I try to bring the lessons I learned from one area into another. Now, here's some steps that I recommend that you try that I'm working on for myself. Number one, do one uncomfortable thing every day. Figure out what that is, that is the thing that you're avoiding the most, and do that. The second step is to stop avoiding conversations you need to have. If there's someone you need to reach out, get them on the phone. Get them on the chat. Get them somewhere that you can have a conversation with them. And step three, treat discomfort as training, training, not punishment, training you for the difficult challenges that you are going to have at some point in time in your life. Because I promise, if you can get out there and start training, it's going to make you stronger. All right, finally, problem number five. We're working through this. I was going to be on the rowing machine here. Sadly, I'm not now, but we're moving into the fifth problem. And that's tied into some of the earlier problems, but this is kind of the culmination point where you've got all of this stuff that's been building up and then you crack. And this fifth problem is losing composure under stress. Now, what is this about? Anyone can be calm when life is easy. Was it Mike Tyson that said, oh, is it everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face? Might a bit. This is the same thing. The real challenge is staying composed when you're tired, when you're overwhelmed or under pressure. It's way harder to keep that calm and keep that composure. So there's a solution. What is the solution? Train under stress. Don't train when it's easy. Train when it's hard. Train for it being hard. Here are some steps that you can do to do that. First of all, put yourself in challenging environments. Don't just do it easy all the time. Play hard mode. Go hardcore mode. Go absolute survival mode. Sometimes that's the right way to train because it teaches you how to do it when things are hard. It's easy to do it when it's easy, but it's way harder to do when it's hard. Can you say easy, easy, hard, hard? Well, I just did. Step two learn to focus on your breathing. Right now, I'm on maximum difficulty. I'm gonna show you guys a photo. I love cashews. I eat cashews. Now, I also have a severe allergy to poison oak and poison ivy. I did not know that the cashew is in the same family as poison oak and poison ivy. And I ate them with the skins on. I ate a whole box of them. I ate a bunch of cashews. And over the last four days, as I sweat, the toxins that are similar in cashews to poison oak are working their way out through my skin. And everything is itching. Everything is itching, every part of me is itching. And I'm still doing this. One of the things I have to do is to focus on my breathing, to continue to come back to that little zen point that is my breath. And it's working. It's not easy, but it's working. Now, step three, practice maintaining standards when you're tired, when you're exhausted, when you're overwhelmed. It's easy to do things when you're feeling good, but when you feel tired, can you still show up? My daughter is doing muay thai. And toward the end of her workout, she starts dropping her hands. And I said, Elani, keep your hands up. She starts doing weak punches. Ilani, keep doing strong punches, but I'm tired. And I say, that's the time to make sure that you're focusing on your technique more than anything else. It is 1214 at night. It is past midnight. And I'm still here doing this because I've trained myself to do my podcasts at night. And this is the time when I'm sharpest. And I'm here and I'm delivering. I hope you guys are enjoying it as well. Now, problem number six: crumbling under pressure. We've built up to this point to look at what happens when the stress gets to max. And the worst case scenario is people begin to crumble. Pressure reveals weaknesses that comfort hides. Many people avoid pressure their entire lives, which means they never build confidence. So there's some solutions. Build pressure tolerance. Ilani gets in and she does Muay Thai these three days a week. It's not easy, but she does it. She continues to show up. And there are some steps that you can do as well. Step one, seek situations that challenge you. For me, I'm 40-something years old and I'm literally going to the Muay Thai gym with my daughter multiple days a week. I'm back in the gym. I'm lifting weights. I'm running. I'm doing cardio. I'm exercising. Those are not easy. They challenge me, but I'm doing more. Today I did four podcast episodes. Tomorrow I do four. That's hard for me. But you know what? I'm wanting to try to do five. I did five the other day, the other week, and I was just like really excited about that because it wasn't that difficult. It used to be that I would do two podcast episodes and be exhausted, but now, nah, I'm getting in my flow, and that's important. Now, step two, start small and increase difficulty over time. I used to do one podcast episode a week. Then I moved to one uh like two a week, three weeks. And then every week I do multiple episodes. Now four a day. I'm a machine, but I didn't get there overnight. It was step by step. Step three, reflect on what you survived and learned afterwards. When I stayed up on one night and I had six podcast episodes in a day, and one of them was at two in the morning, that was not easy. But I woke up the next day and went, I made it through that. That was awesome. Now, I want to finish and wrap this all up. Calm isn't the absence of chaos. I promise you one thing. There is chaos everywhere in this world. But calm and your weapon is the ability to remain steady inside of it. One of my favorite fighters in MMA is Anderson Silva. I love watching him fight. Back in his prime, Anderson Silva would walk in the ring and he was as cool as can be. He would move and just stay out of reach and never break a sweat. And then, lightning fast, he would connect, whether it was a straight kick up that dropped Leoto Machida or that one punch that just as he's fainting away that dropped Forrest Griffin. He was amazing. And he did it with the utmost of calm. And you can be that warrior that brings that calm to the fight. It can be your weapon. Your weapon can be your calm, but you have to train it and you have to practice daily. Hope you guys have a beautiful day. And I hope this helped you. I know it helped me. I'll see you guys soon. I'll see you guys soon. Take care.